Newsradio 938, late breaking news, but not too late, because we close at midnight

My big fat grapevine tells me not much happened in the newsroom at Mediamonopolycorp’s Newsradio 938 last night when news broke of the earthquake, so I’ve had to fill in the blanks a little:

Eh, so how ah, go where eat supper?

Dunno leh, every day eat Newton sian leh.

*Beep Beep*

Eh, my friend SMS say building shake, ask whether got earthquake or not?

Har? Earthquake?

*Beep Beep*

Yah, another one just SMS’d me.

Quick, turn on tv.

*press press… flicker flicker… CNA comes on and shows live report*

Oh no. Really. Earthquake.

So how?

Wait, I check.

*dial dial… buzz buzz… mumble mumble… nod nod…*

Manager/Producer say no point, we close shop liao, let CNA do the story.

OK, so how ah, go where eat supper?

Newton lah, where else. Eh, I ask you ah, you renew road tax got pay the radio license or not ah?

I also say. Give the $110 (tv licence) and $27 (car radio licence) to be placed in a bloggers’ fund, because at least some bloggers bother to risk life and limb to bring you the news. (link via mr brown via lancerlord).

Auntie, the teh-O too hot, burn my tongue. See lah?

Surf stop: Abigael

iTunes’ party shuffle is playing a copy of: Standing In The Doorway – Bob Dylan – Time Out Of Mind, of which I have the original CD and therefore didn’t steal music.

Sunday surfin’

Because both Mandrake and Cowboy are openly smitten by Lynn’s scintillating manner of writing, I shan’t be shy about it either. In her latest post, which seems to be the first in a series, she talks about what really happens in the hallowed residential halls of NUS (National U-Nair-Study of Singapore). I believe sex will be involved. So go there with your antennae pricked and tune in.

I know it’s been written about before, can? But Lynn’s got a scintillating manner of writing, can?

How do you hold your licker?
Can see or not? The scintillating manner of writing?

iTunes’ party shuffle is playing a copy of: Funny Face – Yehudi Menuhin & Stephane Grappelli – Menuhin & Grappelli Play Gershwin, of which I have the original CD and therefore didn’t steal music.

I’m too sexy for my blog: national coverage

This morning, Xiaxue told me that I had been called a ‘pervert’ on a national newspaper, and I knew the ‘sexyblogger’ gag had reached heights unprecendented for any Singaporean online stunt.

But there are some technical problems with flickr at the moment, and pictures tagged with ‘sexyblogger’ aren’t appearing properly. But donch worry, all is not lost. All is never lost with mr brown! If you’ve got a sexyblogger picture, go to mr brown’s and leave a comment with the link!

Sexyblogger’s triber as well as grober!

iTunes’ party shuffle is playing a copy of: Tears At The Birthday Party – Elvis Costello with Burt Bacharach – Painted From Memory, of which I have the original CD and therefore didn’t steal music.

Welcome to the A-Star red State

There will be people who find the above image highly offensive and insensitive. Well. We can amend it a little and call it the A-Star patch. We might as well tattoo HIV positive Singaporeans. Or since we’re such a connected city, we’ll put some chip in ’em, or something. Tourists and visitors who are HIV positive will be issued with a temporary serialised A-Star with biometric identification features free of charge, to be returned to ICA officers upon departure.

We could A-Star ID AIDS victims, but this government’s banned wagon is one well-oiled, and big, machine, and I don’t see why they don’t ban sex between non-monogamous consenting adults altogether. Easy what. Solves the problem dunnit? Huh? Huh? Huh?

mr brown’s said it, and I second it. We must have some sort of certification system of authorised sexual intercourse. It may not be the only foolproof way to curb AIDS (because fools working at HSA might accidentally use tainted blood transfusions), but it will go a long way. Fornication Under Consent of the Government will be something we must all strive to attain. A manual and log card will be issued with every certificate.

While we’re at it, hey, this banned wagon thing could really work to solve all our problems. Lesseee

  1. Birds shit all over expensive cars. Shoot birds. Check. Birdshit problem solved. (Wait, they already do that)
  2. Couples marrying later and not having kids. Revoke marriage certificates and housing subsidies for couples who get married but don’t have children when they don’t have a medical reason not to. Check. Declining population problem solved.
  3. Gay people having sex and spreading AIDS. Ban gay people. Check. Gay sex problem solved, declining population problem not affected very much despite banning gay people.

Some bright spark might eventually implement this:

Ban sale of condoms to married couples medically certified to have intercourse with a view to having children.

Because non-monogamous sex is the problem but declining population is also the problem, banning condoms will prevent people from going out and having non-monogamous sex.

Campaign simi campaign? Ban can already! Ban cigarettes while you’re at it! I won’t quit smoking till you ban cigarettes. Banning increases awareness! Restrictions work! Look at ST Interactive? Make it restricted to pay per subscription only, and everyone’s talking about it.

Lots to do, but good job so far, Government! Get to work on the A-Star patch first and see where we go from there!

Surf stop: 5x Mom
iTunes’ party shuffle is playing a copy of: Everybody Plays the Fool – Aaron Neville – Warm Your Heart, of which I have the original CD and therefore didn’t steal music.

I’m too sexy for my blog: the gift that keeps on giving

Not say I got a lot of free time, but it was very good to see this viral meme keep going, with some really funny pictures from bloggers who have previously been quiet and anonymous (tongueless and faceless). If Tony Pierce joins the conga line, as he’s promised, then this might become some grober, cross-cultural, pan-pacific, cross-atlantic, trans-continental…. …thing. You nair know!

Then, I spied this on one of the sexy poser’s comments section:

At 4:29 AM, Kat said…

oh damn! it’s you LYNN!!!! omgosh.

katherine from 02s14 here. 😉

didn’t know you blogged. how’s life? where are you now?

A happy reunion ensues… I hope… …sekali maybe the blogger’s been awoiding this katherine and now regrets putting her photo up. (Actually, there’ll be many hot-blooded males she’ll be trying to awoid from now!).

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Just rewards for being so savvy. Good stuff, lah, localbrand!

Surf stop: tBlog – Bohemia Bunnie (Duuuuudes, she’s taken liao lah!)
iTunes’ party shuffle is playing a copy of: Ziggy Stardust – David Bowie – The Best of David Bowie 1969/1974, of which I have the original CD and therefore didn’t steal music.