In space, no one can hear your brain freeze

Does anyone know where Icee can be bought in Singapore? 7-11 used to sell them, and I thought I blogged about it, but Naomi reminded me I had merely talked about Slurpee, which is like a poorer cousin that Taufik sells.

What happened? Has the Inconvenient Truth caused the demise of the sweatered polar bear? If so, this calls for a haiku to Icee.

No, this calls for a William McGonagall-styled tribute:

I used to enjoy your colourful range
Green blue red and sometimes orange
Then stick out my tongue for all to see
You gave much more than bubble tea
How that sold I’m not too sure
With their bubble-caused choking fear

On every warm day you gave us cheer
And every brain freeze we hold so dear
Where have you gone, Icee Polar Bear
Has global warming made you rare?

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Singapore Flyers

I read in the Sunday Times that tickets for a ride on the yet to be completed Singapore Flyer… ok, let me rephrase that, because that sounds like you can ride on an incomplete Singapore Flyer, and your guide for the day might say something like,

“Sorry sir, as you can see, the Singapore Flyer is yet to be complete, so today you will only go a semi-circle”.

“If you come back tomorrow and go again, that makes a full circle”.

So, I read in the Sunday Times that tickets for a ride on the Singapore Flyer, when it is complete, have been sold out for the first three months of its scheduled operations. Fully booked.

Yes! What? How can?

You’d think that being the lean and efficient city that we are, we’d have foreseen the problem and taken steps to deal with it.

But not to worry. We now know that if we didn’t have the benefit of foresight to anticipate congestion, we always have the LTA method of putting up more and more gantries to fix the problem.

So, I propose that the Singapore Flyer project be taken over by the LTA so that they can build two or three more Singapore Flyers to deal with the problem:

Singapore Flyer
Original photo by redpolkadot

Singapore Flyers
Original photo by mattlogelin

There, the BERP Method of Dealing with Congestion. Great thing is, if it doesn’t work after a while, all you need to do is build some more.

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Photo by Peeb1

That’s the sound the gantries make after they’ve automagically deducted your cash money from your cash card. B’ERP.

And there’re more of them, these hungry gates of automagic cash money deductioningering, announced the LTA, makers of these gantries, today. This comes a day after the nation’s gantry makers announced that COEs (automagic payment of cash moneys by car buyer) for small cars have dropped to an all time low.

So, there’s really no worry for prospective small car buyers. The money you are going to spend taking a tour of the country’s fine gantries can be recouped from the money you save buying your new small all-time low COE car.

Current owners of small cars might think, “hey, nabeh, I paid so much COE, I should be exempt from the new charges”. But the gantries, they do not discriminate. And… wait a minute, I’m one of them current owners of small cars!

“Hey, nabeh, I paid so much COE, I should be exempt from the new charges”.

But you know, the Transport Minister says if road usage is not priced, roads will be over-used, resulting in widespread congestion. This is really true. The roads around the ERP roads are said to teem with vehicles hovering and waiting for the ERP time to end in the minutes before ERP time ends. This is no good for the environment! I say put gantries up on these roads too. ERP all of them! ERP ERP ERP ERP! That’ll teach us to drive!


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Irene Ang in the V-Conference

Free panties for everyone!

Not every press conference gives out a swag that contains panties, and I’m happy to be associated with one that is. Thank you Triumph. OK, now that you’ve closed the bra company’s window, read on…

That’s a picture of Mr Y K Foo, freelance photographer snapping for Women’s Weekly, holding up one such panty with glee. OK, it was posed, obviously. But gleefully posed, can?

Rehearsals have started in earnest for Irene Ang’s one woman (and one man) show called “Irene Ang in the V-Conference“, and everyone’s going a bit mad, which is a good thing. Mad is good. You should see Irene Ang mad. She’s damn funny when she’s mad. Mad as in crazy.

Beatrice is going a bit mad too, but then she’s already mad to want to direct this show after coming off things like “Cabaret“.

Script reads and rehearsals so far have been really fun because Irene’s a bit scared of what we’re wanting to make her do. “What are you all trying to make me do?” is a common refrain in the rehearsal room.
Co-star Chua Enlai, on the other hand, is never reticent about being totally outlandish, so he’s already a hoot.

On behalf of Fly Entertainment (Irene’s company), thank you all youse journos who turned up for the press conference at Bellini Room, St James Power Station last week. For those who didn’t, you missed out on a bit of fun that Fly decided to put up, transferring a bit of the energy that rehearsals have been packed with. We made Irene wear a ridiculous frilly skirt and answer really awkward questions from the ‘press’ – comprising myself, Beatrice and Enlai. Questions such as “Irene, will we be seeing your “V” during the show?” were thrown at an unprepared Irene, who managed to ad lib admirably without revealing too much.

If only all press conferences were this fun.

Irene Ang in the V-Conference runs 25th – 27th and 30th September at Movida St James Power Station. Tickets available from and from all outlets.

Please, come and watch! Bring your friends!

V-Conference Press Conference
Enlai (not paying attention), Beatrice, Irene and me (don’t like flash)

V-Conference Press Conference
No, Beatrice didn’t have to squat to get to my height

V-Conference Press Conference
In Malaysia, this is known as a “Wee”

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