Smiles Ahead your backside lah!

You cannot script chirpiness. Someone tell Valuair quick. You do not try to be chirpy in the in-your-face chirpiness way to someone who obviously isn’t in the mood for it at 7am in the morning. You could flash a tit or two at him and his mood still wouldn’t lift.

Good morning! Wow, not enough sleep huh?, said one of the cabin crew to an obviously sleep deprived passenger trying to find his seat. One day, some Valuair crewmember is gonna get a coupla tight slaps from a grumpy passenger.

It isn’t that the crew members come across as being insincere. On the contrary, they all seem outlandishly enthusiastic.

Dressed in their regulation polo tees, khaki chinos and sneakers, the crew look and sound like reserve members of a junior college cheerleading squad. You know, those that cannot quite make it, but are given a berth because of their ‘spirit’? Someone even told me about a ‘singing stewardess’ on a Valuair flight to Bangkok, but thankfully, she doesn’t sing this leg. Nothing worse than turbulence combined with mile high karaoke.

Thank you for choosing to fly with Valuair, if you’re going to leave any of your belongings behind, please ensure that it is something we like.

And that’s just one of the many scripted lines the crew with the chirps have to recite.

And so, the Happy Shiny Airline with Happy Shiny Crew but grumpy passengers took me on my first trip out of Singapore since February, my first trip to Hong Kong in three years and hopefully, my first real break from work. Things already bode well. I fell asleep before take-off, and again right after my in-flight fried Bee Hoon breakfast.

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