Pssst. I have pirated eggs. You want? Sell you cheap. As good as the real thing.
The egg rationing crisis is more severe than I thought. Firstly because it featured in work conversation during a business meeting (yes, I work Sundays, but outdoors and at a nice location by the sea), then at dinner conversation at home.
My brother-in-law says he tried the wet markets in the vicinity of Holland Village and came back empty handed, and decided to head to Upper Thomson, where he found a grocer’s that had eggs on trays. He asked to buy them, but the grocer said those were reserved for ‘long-time customers and residents in the area’, and asked him for his I.C.!
Brother-in-law was pretty miffed about it. But then he’s easily miffed about things.
One of my colleagues says he went to NTUC where he had to purchase at least $20 worth of groceries before you were allowed to buy eggs. Same deal at Cold Storage, only you have to stack your trolley with $50 worth of goods.
At restaurants, there were no eggs to be had. Actually, got lah, but a little egg spread over a lot of rice or something.
My dad says, ‘you know, they have those liquified eggs they use?’.
And I say, ‘yeah, scrambled eggs can lah, but cannot use for mata lembu (sunny side up) leh.
Then my brother says, ‘yeah, you know, you can make a lot of money as a trainer/motivational speaker if you can make the chickens lay more eggs. Seng Choon Farms will pay you a lot’.
How not to humour him? So I ask him how he’d motivate chickens to lay more eggs if he were a trainer/motivational speaker trained in motivating chickens to lay more eggs.
‘You feed them a lot, then you scare them. Sure lay eggs one.’
Then he thinks about it for a bit, and says, ‘but then the eggs come out all wrong size wrong shape’.
Then I think about it for a bit, but ask him, ‘eh, you got badminton racquet I can borrow?’
‘Got. But you better don’t break it. Badminton racquets not like last time $10 one’.