I read in Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Nearly Everything, ‘it is easy to make any banal situation extraordinary if you treat it as fateful’.
But life’s little moments are always banal unless one treats it as fateful. Great epic adventures don’t need a voice! Ordinary things do.
So… today (Monday) I went to the gym, and who’d have thunk it? The twit my mates almost got into a biffo with was there, just as my mates descibed: In a very, very ugly neon (yes!) green tank-top, black basketball shorts, black socks (yes again) and black shoes. Seeing him as ugly as he was, there wasn’t much else we could do except to do little things like dropping verbals here and there just within his earshot, being the childish little shits we were. Thankfully he was smart enough to leave the gym before we could lay on the really damaging sledging. (Another habit we’ve gleefully adopted from Australia, no doubt).
Speaking of sledging (‘trash=talking’ for those more used to American sporting jargon), the Aussies are generally pretty slick, but they’ve been trumped by some gems from outside Australia:
Australian bowler: How’dja get so fat, ya fat fuck?
Zimbabwean batsman: Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit.
The bowler conceded on the sledging front, and smiled at the batsman.
But the Aussies are probably the masters at seemingly self-deprecatory sledging:
Heckler at a beach charity event: Hey Merv, we’ve got crabs that run faster than you.
Big Merv Hughes: So do I.