I will not eat full-grain mustard again

Grey Poupon
Photo by Cynthia Blue

We haven’t hit the sweet spot yet where Kai sleeps through a night. He made 5 hours for two nights this week, but we’re now resigned to them being flukes.

Maybe he’s not eating enough and sleeping too much during the day, we’re not sure. And going on guestimates based on books and the Confinement Nanny’s advice can be a bit tiring because all you want to do is try to get a few hours’ unbroken sleep.

Kai is too young to know that he needs sleep, and although it makes complete sense to us that he shouldn’t be over-stimulated lest he can’t lull himself to sleep, our son can find all sorts of ways to drive himself batty – he starts babbling once there are toys in his line of sight. You take away his toys, he stares at the patterns on his cot. You turn out the lights, he cries until you turn them back on, so that he can stare at the patterns on his cot.

We are grateful we haven’t yet found Murphy’s Law of Diaper Change to be irrefutable – he keeps his diapers clean for at least 2 minutes after I change them, but all new and prospective parents need to know that there are duties that include examining your baby’s poop, because the colour and texture of your baby’s faeces is one of the signs of whether your child is ill or not.

Because of this, Naomi’s and my mealtime conversations have evolved. Whereas once we might have talked about how stupid local tv programs are, now she asks while I’m tucking into lunch, “Do you find his poop a bit runny?”

And I might answer, “yes, but isn’t it always like that?”

To which she’ll say, “not that runny”.

And I’ll ask, “then what’s it supposed to look like?”

And she’ll say, “like full-grain mustard, you know?”