I am not looking forward to going for my reservist training.
My battle-hardened (water fights in the bathroom) unit will be sent to North Queensland and put in the bush for the most part of 20 days. I’m not too sure how I’ll hold up. There’ll be intermittent mobile phone access, but fuck me dead, NO INTERNET!
There are several things I need to buy to entertain myself and the rest of the boys. During the last four in-camp trainings, I had appointed myself the official platoon girlie magazine supplier. Girly magazines being Her World, Female and any other women’s magazine that helped bring out our feminine side. Because as you know, being the fiercest platoon in the fiercest combat team in the fiercest armoured battle group does make you neglect that bit of your personality.
In the last four in-camps, I’ve tried several brands of personal care products brought in by the boys, and we’ve swapped personal care tips like which facial wash is good, which foot lotion prevents stinky feet, and from me, they’ve learnt that panty-liners in hats and helmets prevent heat rash.
Reading Cleo, on the other hand, is disruptive. Most of the boys tend to get a little disturbed, and halfway through a long trek in the jungle, would suddenly spew spoken thoughts such as “Eh, so, women orgasm is got different kind one ah?”, to which an MG-Gunner or Section Commander would say something like “Yah, you dunno meh? Got large, got small, got loud, got soft”, to which the LAW-Gunner might go, “Eh, Sergeant, you know meh? You virgin what”. (Actually, the LAW-Gunner (not his real vocation) is usually bitchier and would probably go, “Yah, you dunno meh? Your girlfriend only got one kind ah? Maybe she’s saving the other varieties for other people, hahahaha!”)
Or maybe we’ll just keep quiet and enjoy the wide open country, the clear blue skies and the not so clear red dust. See how.