Mocking names

On June 23, 2007 · 35 Comments · In Living

I’m not talk­ing about Hongkongers and their own­self give own­self first names, but this list of baby names that will guar­an­tee that the unfor­tu­nate chil­dren that are given some of the names will be remem­bered.

Nei­ther am I talk­ing about hip-hop and rap stars and their own brand of own­self give own­self first names, like Jay-Z and Five-Percent, but there’s this baby name spelled J-Me and pro­nounced Jamie.

And there’s our very own Ix Shen who named him­self after Roman numer­als, with the very slight pos­si­bil­ity that he might have a con­ver­sa­tion that goes:

Hi, and you are?

Ix. Ix Shen.

Pleased to meet you, Shen. That’s a bad hic­cup you’ve got. Can I get you a glass of water?

Alter­na­tively:

Oh, bless you. You know, you really shouldn’t keep a sneeze in. Dam­ages the nasal passage.

Then there’s Texan child that was named ESPN by his par­ents, and you know that’s not a girl’s name.

There are

It’s hard to imag­ine that any of these names are for real. But tell that to the par­ents of this child in New Zealand who named their kid “4Real”:

Hi, and you are?

4real.

For real?

4real.

Sorry, did you say your name was 4real?

4real, 4real.

4real?

Can we talk about some­thing else now?

There’s more. In 2005, in Texas, no less, a boy was named “Ranger”. I’d like to think his last name was Walker. And I spec­u­late that the moth­ers of two boys had dif­fi­cult labours because they called their sons “Rage”. “Jecem­ber” was born in June, and “Philadel­phia” was born in San Fran­cisco. But the babies that take the cake are the ones who’ll have no trou­ble remem­ber­ing how to spell their names when they’re in kinder­garten because they’re called “Abcde” (although pro­nounced Absidee).

Ha ha. He he. Ho ho. But if you’re going to name your kids some­thing that will invite taunt­ing and ridicule, at least have more than one child and give all of them silly names so that they’ll have company.

If you must, the list is here. (via Bits & Pieces) No, no-one has named their kid Moron yet.

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  • http://blog.massrapid.org mass­rapid

    haha, yes there are some intrigu­ing names around… and those unpro­nounce­able ones as well.…

    http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1534419

  • http://blog.massrapid.org mass­rapid

    haha, yes there are some intrigu­ing names around… and those unpro­nounce­able ones as well.…

    http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1534419

  • http://nadnut.liquidblade.com nad­nut

    lol. what ever hap­pened to good old names like Paul, Peter and Joe? “Cre­ativ­ity” kills. (in this case)

  • http://nadnut.liquidblade.com nad­nut

    lol. what ever hap­pened to good old names like Paul, Peter and Joe? “Cre­ativ­ity” kills. (in this case)

  • http://lancerlord.blogspot.com lancer­lord

    I think I also told some­one this (for­got who).

    I had a class­mate in school whose name is Nor Ling Choo. Peo­ple tend to hear as “Oleng Juice” :)

  • http://lancerlord.blogspot.com lancer­lord

    I think I also told some­one this (for­got who).

    I had a class­mate in school whose name is Nor Ling Choo. Peo­ple tend to hear as “Oleng Juice” :)

  • http://curlywurlybooboo.com moby

    I’d like to see some­one name their baby with a ‘dot com’ in it!

  • http://curlywurlybooboo.com moby

    I’d like to see some­one name their baby with a ‘dot com’ in it!

  • http://zhaki.usdudes.com/ Zhaki

    Not sure whether you’re already aware of this, but Five Per­cent isn’t a rap name.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nation_of_Gods_and_Earths

    They do give them­selves out-there names though, and as a study on the evo­lu­tion of cul­tures it’s really quite interesting.

  • http://zhaki.usdudes.com/ Zhaki

    Not sure whether you’re already aware of this, but Five Per­cent isn’t a rap name.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nation_of_Gods_and_Earths

    They do give them­selves out-there names though, and as a study on the evo­lu­tion of cul­tures it’s really quite interesting.

  • http://miyagi.sg Mr Miyagi

    My mis­take, Zhaki. It really should be “Seven Percent”.

  • http://miyagi.sg Mr Miyagi

    My mis­take, Zhaki. It really should be “Seven Percent”.

  • Lia

    i absolutely know what you are talk­ing about.

    i have this TW col­league that named him­self “rascal” !!

    no joke, can you believe that? no not a nick­name, is an offi­cial name use in work and everywhere.

    so our emails always start with: hi rascal…

    :)

  • Lia

    i absolutely know what you are talk­ing about.

    i have this TW col­league that named him­self “rascal” !!

    no joke, can you believe that? no not a nick­name, is an offi­cial name use in work and everywhere.

    so our emails always start with: hi rascal…

    :)

  • http://www.kellchan.blogspot.com Kelly

    I came across names like Cin­derella, Dragon, Duck, Pretty…
    Some­one kill me…

  • http://www.kellchan.blogspot.com Kelly

    I came across names like Cin­derella, Dragon, Duck, Pretty…
    Some­one kill me…

  • keith

    hmm i dunno if u have received a name­card from Cassino Koh. I got the card in my mail­box both at home and at work.

    a few yrs ago, an ice­landic (i might be wrong) cou­ple wanted to give their kid a name made up of numer­als and symbols.

  • keith

    hmm i dunno if u have received a name­card from Cassino Koh. I got the card in my mail­box both at home and at work.

    a few yrs ago, an ice­landic (i might be wrong) cou­ple wanted to give their kid a name made up of numer­als and symbols.

  • http://www.projectbetterman.blogspot.com Paul

    Erm. Met a “Moron” some 5–6 years ago.. so you can scratch that out of your list.

  • http://www.projectbetterman.blogspot.com Paul

    Erm. Met a “Moron” some 5–6 years ago.. so you can scratch that out of your list.

  • Jiayi

    Try nam­ing your son Ed, when your sur­name is Cetera.

  • Jiayi

    Try nam­ing your son Ed, when your sur­name is Cetera.

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  • anon

    There’s now a Mega­tron, i’m wait­ing for the day some­one to be named Gal­va­tron.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/punkjr/698895174/
    http://forums.vr-zone.com/showthread.php?p=3924559

  • anon

    There’s now a Mega­tron, i’m wait­ing for the day some­one to be named Gal­va­tron.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/punkjr/698895174/
    http://forums.vr-zone.com/showthread.php?p=3924559

  • aii

    My friend *swears* she saw a baby at a hos­pi­tal named Bugs-Bunny Tan. She might have been hallucinating?

  • aii

    My friend *swears* she saw a baby at a hos­pi­tal named Bugs-Bunny Tan. She might have been hallucinating?

  • http://shutterfan.blogspot.com Jamie

    Mr Miyagi, this is my first time com­ment­ing on your blog although I visit it quite fre­quently. This post made me laugh as I had some mem­o­ries of ‘weird names’.

    Dur­ing my first year of Uni, I recall spend­ing my first day of Ori­en­ta­tion run­ning around the Uni of Melb cam­pus sort­ing out all the admin stuff. I was wait­ing in line at the stu­dent admin office to have my stu­dent ID made and there was a HK stu­dent in front of me (could tell from the Eng­lish accent). She was a 2nd year stu­dent and had wanted to include an eng­lish name onto her Stu­dent Card (which will ulti­mately appear on ALL doc­u­ments!). I kid you not about the next thing which I’m about to tell you!

    When it was her turn, she explained to the old lady at the counter of her request.

    Old lady: “that’s fine sweet­heart, just fill up this form and we’ll get it done“
    HK Girl: *scrib­bling away*
    Old Lady: *looks up and asks …* what name would you like to include in your stu­dent card?
    HK Girl: Syphillis
    Old Lady: *silent for a minute* I’m sorry, dear .. could you repeat that?
    HK Girl: Syphillis. It’s spelt as S-Y-P-H-I-L-L-I-S. *Hands form over*
    Old Lady: *mor­ti­fied* .. my dear, are u sure you want this?
    HK Girl: Yah, can I col­lect my card later?

    I was try­ing really hard to con­tain myself the whole time. The cor­rect spelling is actu­ally Syphilis but who cares right. Omg, I won­dered if she had her degree cert con­ferred to her in that name! Won­der if she had a friend name “Gonorrhea”

  • http://shutterfan.blogspot.com Jamie

    Mr Miyagi, this is my first time com­ment­ing on your blog although I visit it quite fre­quently. This post made me laugh as I had some mem­o­ries of ‘weird names’.

    Dur­ing my first year of Uni, I recall spend­ing my first day of Ori­en­ta­tion run­ning around the Uni of Melb cam­pus sort­ing out all the admin stuff. I was wait­ing in line at the stu­dent admin office to have my stu­dent ID made and there was a HK stu­dent in front of me (could tell from the Eng­lish accent). She was a 2nd year stu­dent and had wanted to include an eng­lish name onto her Stu­dent Card (which will ulti­mately appear on ALL doc­u­ments!). I kid you not about the next thing which I’m about to tell you!

    When it was her turn, she explained to the old lady at the counter of her request.

    Old lady: “that’s fine sweet­heart, just fill up this form and we’ll get it done“
    HK Girl: *scrib­bling away*
    Old Lady: *looks up and asks …* what name would you like to include in your stu­dent card?
    HK Girl: Syphillis
    Old Lady: *silent for a minute* I’m sorry, dear .. could you repeat that?
    HK Girl: Syphillis. It’s spelt as S-Y-P-H-I-L-L-I-S. *Hands form over*
    Old Lady: *mor­ti­fied* .. my dear, are u sure you want this?
    HK Girl: Yah, can I col­lect my card later?

    I was try­ing really hard to con­tain myself the whole time. The cor­rect spelling is actu­ally Syphilis but who cares right. Omg, I won­dered if she had her degree cert con­ferred to her in that name! Won­der if she had a friend name “Gonorrhea”

  • http://shutterfan.blogspot.com Sheila

    Oh I also for­got to men­tion that in my com­pany, under our Global address book, there is a guy in HK whose name is Hymen! I thought Rain­bow, Orange, Apple and all these were weird enough but Hymen’s gotta be the killer one!

  • http://shutterfan.blogspot.com Sheila

    Oh I also for­got to men­tion that in my com­pany, under our Global address book, there is a guy in HK whose name is Hymen! I thought Rain­bow, Orange, Apple and all these were weird enough but Hymen’s gotta be the killer one!

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