Squatting Matilda

Mr Miyagi receives his medal for ‘Best Army Blogger’

Army brief­ings are sel­dom excit­ing, and yesterday’s one was no dif­fer­ent. My unit mates all asked me, “Are you gonna blog this?” or, “Are you gonna blog about this?”, to which I replied, “No lah! So bor­ing, blog what fuck?”

Of course I was kid­ding. “So bor­ing”, but surely still can blog about it.

Today’s Army story comes by way of an anec­dote shared by my pla­toon mate, in response to the safety and envi­ron­men­tal brief­ing prepar­ing us for Ex Wal­laby 2005.

Our Safety Offi­cer (you can spot him — he’s the one with the yel­low hel­met) told us that among the haz­ards we’ll be fac­ing in Sur­vivor: Out­back Ex Wal­laby would be kan­ga­roos and wal­la­bies, because when threat­ened, they can jump, kick, bite and cause nasty injuries to personnel’s personals.

Pla­toon mate’s anecdote:

“Last time Ex Wal­laby that time, I go and pang sai lah, and usu­ally, I go and shit that time, I go far far away. Because I don’t want my pla­toon mates to come and jee siao (dis­turb) me. Because when they shit that time, I also go and jee siao them.

So, I shit that time, I go far far away lah.

So, I shit­ting and smok­ing lah, then I look up, got seven kan­ga­roos look­ing at me. Wah lan eh, I scared to move lah! Because the Safety Offi­cer say, when we see kan­ga­roo, don’t make sud­den move­ment. Because they can attack you.

So I squat­ting there and smok­ing. I look at the kan­ga­roo, the kan­ga­roo look at me. Wah lan eh, I squat there damn long.”

And of course we had to ask him, “And then what happened?”

Pla­toon mate’s killer kan­ga­roo line:

“Then they hop away lor”.

iTunes is play­ing an ille­gal copy of Casta Diva, From The Opera “Norma” from the album “2046 Orig­i­nal Sound­track” by Angela Ghe­o­rghiu, Evelino Pido & Lodon Sym­phony Orches­tra of which I have the orig­i­nal CD.

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