Crabby Sunday

Land­lub­bers!

It was a mis­er­ably grey Sun­day. By mis­er­able, I mean the Sin­ga­pore sort of mis­er­able. Over­cast, hot and still very humid from the morning’s thun­der­storm. I had intended to set out to Pasir Ris Park to see about rent­ing a kayak, and after a good half hour’s drive, I got there only to dis­cover that the kayak shop where I used to rent kayaks from was no more.

There was how­ever, a People’s Asso­ci­a­tion Sea Sports Cen­tre Club thing, and that looked promis­ing. So I went in and asked about rent­ing a kayak.

Are you a member?

We rent to mem­bers only. And even if you joined today we need to see cer­ti­fi­ca­tion of your kayak proficiency.

What the deuce?! I am a Kayak­ing God, for cry­ing out loud! I said.

I’ve been kayak­ing the open seas since you were in nap­pies, I said some more.

I’ve kayaked to Tioman, met sharks, sea tur­tles, braved the biggest storms and been so sun­burnt my mother didn’t recog­nise me when I came home, I went on.

After I men­tally shouted at the Sea Spock Crub guy like that, I then spent about three min­utes men­tally giv­ing him sev­eral one-twos with my imag­i­nary paddle.

No, Kayak­ing God, Nooooooooo.… OK, OK we give you kayak. You can kayak all you want for free! Any time. Our crub is your crub!

Good. I want a monthly cer­e­mony where you pick a nubile young female kayaker as a human sac­ri­fice to hon­our me. And she has to be a cutie.

So, after I put my errant sub­jects in their place, I walked around the park for some­thing else to do. There was noth­ing. Unless I wanted to pay $1 to enter this mis­er­able pet­ting zoo at the Fisherman’s Vil­lage where you could pay $1 to enter and pet such cud­dly crea­tures as fish, chick­ens and ducks.

I left Pasir Ris feel­ing really crabby. Speak­ing of crabs, she had some recently, and recently my friend’s boyfriend was tasked to make book­ings for a hol­i­day in Krabi, and so he went online and googled, yahood, msn’d and dog­piled ‘Crabby’, then com­plained he couldn’t find much infor­ma­tion on Crabby, Thai­land.

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